?my light will shine when all else fade.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

My APOLOGY..

it's been two weeks now since i last updated my blog. For some reason..i suddenly can't post in here. I'm probably just lazy or can't find a spare time to do all this updates. Life gave me enough pressure on school and all that stuff and so, i don't want to pressure myself on posting here. I don't know why..i can't help but remember my first few posts on this blog two years ago. I was so excited. I find blogging so addicting back then. I post all my opinions. It's like talking to an imaginary friend. A friend that will listen to everything i wanted to say. A friend that will never get tired of listening to all my sentiments. Two years later, i'm still blogging..but not as frequent as before. I'm guilty, it's as if i betrayed my friend that was once so close to me. I will make it up to my "imaginary friend", my blog.

where should i start? okay let's start with Dexther. I haven't mentioned him on this blog before so let me give you an over-all background of Dexther..

Dexther is a member of AFF (he's Daniel and Joshua's batchmate - batch 2006). We always see each other every sunday (9am mass) and sometimes, on AFF Gatherings. We're not really close; in fact, i really can't consider him as my friend. Okay..we were just having a very little conversation every now and then on AFF gatherings. Conversation that was all about God, faith, religion, AFF, church..that's all. We never really talk about our life outside the church, outside our religion. I don't know him personally and plus, i think he's mayabang. i don't like his guts.

Last month, when Fr. Lucas leave our church, he entrust the AFF activities to Joshua until a new priest will take over the AFF. One of the activities that i signed up for is the 'Teacher Volunteer' ministry. Since my class haven't started yet, Joshua assigned me on the first week of religion class of the 2nd graders (August 7). Too bad Ashley did not signed up this school year because she has to do some advanced class on her school. Which means i've got a new partner.

here's my partner wishlist:
1. a girl (it's a MUST!)
2. my partner should be nice to me
3. a funny person so we can both enjoy teaching the kids

i arrived in the education building of St. Philip an hour before the class. I have no idea what will happen to me..while i was walking down the hall, i was smiling because i remember seing Fr. Lucas in this hall 2 months ago. He was wearing a shirt that says "DISCTURB me, If you DARE!". That was really funny, now i'm starting to feel Fr. Lucas' absence. And i also miss walking with Ashley on this hall. Last school year, we're both walking here, discussing about our topic and our strategy. Now i'm here walking alone. No Fr. Lucas roaming around the hall. No Ashley laughing at my jokes. I suddenly feel terrible. I feel as if i'm lost on a very familiar place, a place i can almost call my own.

Ms. Sandy have told me everything i need to know about the topic and still, my partner haven't arrived yet! i was pissed off. How can she/he be late? i told ms. sandy that i will confront my partner if he/she stood me up! time check: 15 minutes before the class starts. Then after i checked my watch, someone tapped my back. "I'm sorry for being late."..whaaaaaaaatt? Dexther is my partner!! he's totally the opposite of my partner criteria! is joshua making fun of me again? i mean, of all people, why choose dexther as my partner? as i've said we're not close and i think he's so mayabang. okay..i have no choice but to pursue this one. i told Dexther that i will do my own thing and i'll let him do his own method afterwards. He was like "we're suppose to be partners. we should work on this together". I wanted to tell him that we have no time to prepare because he's late!! whatever...

so our class started. it went out well. i can say that he's really good on teaching the kids. i can't help but noticed the girls were so active on our discussion and i'm not used to that. Before, it's always the boys who were so active but now, it's all about the girls. Probably it's because of Dexther! i admit, he's really good-looking. He's so neat and i like his perfume (it smells so light and clean)! i remember macey always tellin me how cute dexther is. Actually, Dexther and Macey were partners on our faithmate challenge 4 months ago (ehem..si Daniel po partner ko nun). macey were always telling me to be careful because i might be Dextherized! baka daw magka-crush ako kay Dexther just like her.

after 2 straight hours of teaching with dexther, i think i'm starting to like him. No..not as in "LIKE" that i adore him. It's more on admiration. I no longer hate his guts coz i think he's really nice. He may be maangas at times but i think that's just the way he talk. After our class session, we went to the canteen. Bonding time. I was surprised because this is our first time to talk to each other without mentioning anything about God, faiith nor religion. it's just me and him talking about ourselves! i learned a lot of things about him. And after learning those things, my impression of him being mayabang suddenly vanished. i guess it's safe to say that he's confident, not mayabang.

it's a nice day! i miss teaching with Ashley though.

Since that day, dexther and I started to be good friends. We talked a lot in the church after the mass. It's like living a life with Dexther on it. I don't know. is it applicable to say the famous quote "the more you hate, the more you love" on our situation. Even my close friends (macey, jai, chris and josh) has been teasing me about Dexther for the past two weeks. While enjoying my new friendship with Dexther, my friendship with Daniel turns grey. I started to notice some changes. He always ignores me! it's like, i never exist!! imagine how terrified i am..i can't let Daniel hate me! but what have i done for him to just ignore me and pretend i wasn't there? i'm guilty for no reason. I know Daniel with all my heart, and he's not that kind of person that will just ignore someone without a strong reason. I must have done something wrong and I am so dumb not to realized what i did. I talked to Macey and Chris about my Daniel issues. There's a lot of things going on my mind and i want to share them to my close friends. Macey told me to stop talking to Dexther cause Daniel is jealous. I know it makes no sense but i did it anyway.

i was so guilty the first time i did it. Everytime Dexther was initiating some talk, i just cut it for no reason. i never let other people see me talking to dexther. If he's asking me about school and all, i just say "it's fine" and turn my back on him. It's so mean..i know. This is one of Macey's silly ideas but if Dexther is the reason why Daniel has been acting so weird towards me, i'm willing to do this.

Our plan worked..i didn't talked to Dexther for almost three weeks and now, Daniel started talking to me again. I'm not sure if Daniel is jealous or not, all i know is that we're friends again. Ofcourse i was still guilty about dexther.

Daniel said sorry to me after the church mass last september 2. I asked him why he's saying sorry to me. He never explain why..yet again, another fill in the blanks moment with Daniel. i dunno..he's always saying things that i can't understand. Maybe i'm just being dumb..i told him that i forgive him and i will always forgive him. "I know. That's why i'm sorry.", he said..and another clue leads to another cluse. it's like a puzzle that i need to put the pieces together.

Last Sept. 6, Dexther and I bumped into each other in a church meeting for our parish night on September 29. We were on the same committee. I've decided to talk to him. I don't want to be unfair to him. He's been so nice and he doesn't deserve this. We are friends again. Another happy story that happened to me.

SMILE...you're with me!