?my light will shine when all else fade.

Sunday, June 03, 2007

It's sunday. Inez, Ashley and I arrived at the church around 8:40am. It's still early so we do our usual chikahan with other parishioners at the church's lobby. After 10 minutes of chikahan, we went to our favorite spot in the church, the second row in front. It's still early so only few people were inside the church, some were doing their 'monthly confession' while others were doing some chikahan pa. Around 8:55am, I've seen Fr. Richard came inside the church. I assumed he was just looking around if they can start the mass na. I sit beside Ashley, both of us were 'tulala' that time (we're kinda sleepy that time). Then suddenly, Fr. Richard goes in front of me and Ashley, and he bow on us! I was thinking on what was that 'bow' supposed to mean?. So I look at Ashley, hoping that she knows what was going on. Ashley and I didn't have any reaction (i guess were just curious, shock, and confuse at the same time). Then Fr. Richard stand up and said, "Do you want to serve?'. I know what he was talking about but I pretended that I didn't know. 'Are you asking Ashley?', I asked him. 'No. I am asking both of you.', he replied. Ashley and I looked at each other. Who are we to refuse with such offer? Well, i wanna say NO but I can't and I know that Ashley feels the same way. So both of us stand up and went to look for Ms. Sandy to get our white dress (altar server's dress). Ms. Sandy was surprised when we told us about it.She even grinned on us. 'Are you serious? oh well, you'd better get dress. The mass was about to start.', she said. Ms. Sandy gave us the white dress and guess what? the dress was too long for me! hehe...so she have to go back to the server's room to get a different one that fits me. so pati pala height ko issue na rin dito ha? kasalanan ko bang matatangkad yung mga regular altar server dito sa church?at least nakakita naman si Ms. Sandy ng kasya sakin. At eto pa, hindi man lang ako nakapag-prepare dba? hindi ako nakapag-meditate! as in on the spot talaga yun.

Ashley and I had a little conversation while putting our white dress on..

Joan: Oh my goodness..I don't know what to do. Hello? I haven't done this before..as in never!
Ashley: Actually, I haven't done this for a year now so I forgot what to do. Wait..let me think of this first..i have to refresh my mind. We have to do a strategy and we have to do it as a team, ok?
Joan: ok..sure..so what should we do now?
Ashley: do you have any idea on what they were doing on the mass and when are they doing those things.
Joan: well..yeah..i remember almost all the things that they were doing every mass but i don't know how would that work if we were on the backstage/server's place.
Ashley: oh that's good. we can work on that.. i'll just guide you backstage and tell you what you should do. But for now, we have to talk to other server so we can ask for their cooperation.

so we go to the lobby to meet up with the other servers. Amanda and Chai would also do the serving. Amanda, who is 13 yrs. old, were the same height as mine while Chai (10 yrs. old) is almost the same height as i am. So aun..we told them our situation and they said that it's just fine. We can help each other.

As expected, nag-comment na naman si Fr. Andy when he saw me and Ashley. Atleast in a nice way naman. He said that we look pretty on our dress and he was hoping that we can do serving more often. 'It's nice to see new faces as an altar server sometimes. But don't get me wrong, I like all the altar servers..we love them.', he added with a smile on his face. Fr. Andy is really weird. Sometimes he's serious and then bigla na lang magjo-joke. I don't even know when he was really serious or he's not. well i guess that's just the way he is, a happy person.

so ayun..the mass started.., Ashley hold the cross, Amanda and Chai were holding the candle, while I hold the Book. Ganun pala yung feeling noh? i was overwhelmed by the presence of the church community. The happiness that I've seen on their face while we were entering the mass. They were singing, looking forward on the new things that the mass will give them. New lessons, unfolding mysteries. It's like watching a movie, waiting to see what will happen to the story. But the mass isn't just about me, not just about them. The mass is about God..what He had prepared for us.

Back to my business..

Ashley told me that I need to bring the Book to Fr. Andy because he will read something about the sermon. so I went to the altar. I bow to the Holy Table and then proceed to Fr. Andy. I opened the Book to the designated page. I can't look at Fr. Andy that time because I'm afraid that I might laugh or something. But then i've decided to look at him. He looked at me and smiled! oh my gosh..nakakahiya! disaster talaga! yung cross na suot ko (it's part of the server's costume), nakaharang dun sa page na babasahin ni Fr. Andy. i stepped back to simply pull the cross and then i stepped forward so Fr. Andy can read the notes clearly. "Sorry Father", i whispered. He smiled again. He can't say anything to me because he has a wireless microphone on his neck. And then he continued the reading. After that, I whispered "Sorry" again.

The mass went on. It's about the Holy Trinity. About the mysteries that we want to know.

I remember Ashley teaching me what to do all the time. Sometimes, she's covering up for me. She did some things that is part of my responsibility. She is really nice, sweet, bubbly and simple girl. I treat her like my own sister. We are super close. We are sisters!!!

We did a lot of things there. It's not really hard. I guess I would love to do it again if someone would asked me. As for Ashley, she was great..not to mention that she did some of my part and it all went out well..!

When we are about to exit the church, i've seen Daniel standing on my left side. He smiled and say 'good job' without making any sound. I smiled back to him and then continue my walk.

After our mass exit, Fr. Andy and Fr. Richard told us that we did a great job..we helped them cover up for the servers who were absent today. Daniel approach us and said that we look pretty on that white dress (hehe..ofcourse! effortless pa yun ah..). Inez told me that what i did is not as bad as the beginners would do, she said she's proud of me. I was overwhelmed..happy and satisfied for what I have done. I want to do it again. Next time, i know that I can do better..after all, life is about learning something new. It is about the experience you have been through and how you applied everything you learned from it.

I love what i did and I'm glad I did it. Oh well, i didn't expect it to be like this. I guess I shouldn't be afraid to try new things. I should not be afraid to stay out of my 'comfort zone'. i discover a lot of things about myself..about the things i thought i am not able to do but i found out that i can! I am no longer afraid to take a risk. So this is the time to get control of my life! It's the start of something new...wherever life takes me, i'm no longer afraid. I might fall, stumble, get hurt, or cry but that's okay. I will take every step of the way because i want to...and God is leading me on the right direction, i know He will.

SMILE...you're with me!